Live Longer, Die Later for Men!
by Lilypadcakes
Summary: Never declare "sweet revenge" on the female kind of any race because it's SUICIDAL! ... vampire fic... * ON HOLD FOR REVISING *
1. Lessons 1, 2, 3, & 4

**Summary****: **_Never declare "sweet revenge" on the female kind of any race because it's SUICIDAL!! ... vampire fic..._

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

...

**Replacing ****Dark Meets Light**

**...**

**I've currently no net at home for what is now about 5 weeks..I have no clue..but it just suddenly died. So I can't play my Fiesta...**

**If you want more details about this game, go to my profile and look under HOBBIES and you'll see a 2-3 paragraph drabble of me talking about it. Go to youtube if you want to see amv's of these games. **

**Fiesta's a MMORPG, so if you don't like those, you might not like it. **

**...**

**...**

_5-17-08..._

"Blah blah" - talking

_Blah blah - thinking — also used for flashback, I will say when_

**(Blah blah) - me adding in my thoughts...**

**...**

**...**

* * *

**...**

**..**

**...**

**Lesson No. 1: Never go where fangirls/gays breed. **

**...**

No matter where you look, it was _everywhere_! It covered the entire room like fungi to trees. Photos of four very good-looking men, rated Konoha's Hottest Hotties by top selling magazine, **FAD** **- Fangirls/gays Association District**, were duct taped to the walls, ceilings, and even sewed onto carpets and cushions.

The room instantly grew silent as four unfortunate wanted guys stepped within 100 ft of the territory. One word ran across their minds.

Shit.

"OMG! IT'S SHIKAMARU!"

"KYAAAH! Neji-kun,** I love you!!**"

"BACK OFF! THEY'RE **MINE!**"

"Sign my panties, Naruto-kuuun!"

"Sasuke-kun! I'll be your whore!!"

**(Omg..)**

Said names gloomed and took off like cowards.

'_Why, why?! Who did I piss off in my past life?' _Shikamaru sobbed.

"Naruto!" Sasuke growled, "why the hell did you bring us** there**?!"

"It's not my fault!" Naruto said, "I thought that they only went there on Saturdays!"

"Today **IS** Saturday, fool !" the two prodigies hissed in unison.

**...**

**Lesson No. 1: FAILED**

**...**

"Oh," Naruto sweat dropped, "haha, sorry – wait! Who're you calling dope?!"

"You," Kiba smirked as they passed by him and Akamaru.

Naruto flipped him off and snarled his fangs at him.

Shikamaru dared to glance behind his shoulder, then sighed in relief. Their crazy stalkers were sucked into the ground.

"Yes! They're dead!" Shikamaru cried, clenching his fist and tears streaming down his face.

"Let's go find a place to get away," said Sasuke, "before they come back to life."

The others quickly agreed, not wanting to stay there another second. They sprang onto a rooftop and scampered for their lives.

**...**

**...**

**...**

**Lesson No. 2: Look where you're running. You might end up with more fans or getting pwned by people who hate you. :D**

**...**

It was painful. It was excruciatingly painful. It was their poor luck.

Sasuke stared blankly at the unusual pink haired female cursing the shit out of him, resulting in a maajoorr hangover. His head felt as if Mini Narutos had decided to invade his brain and begin having band practice in there. What's worse, his 'junior' was screaming bloody murder.

Neji, Shikamaru, and Naruto cringed behind their fallen comrade, thanking Kami that their own 'juniors' weren't in pain. But, they were enduring shouts from humans of the female race as well.

Let's rewind to the cause of the situation.

_..._

_Everyone cried out Hallelujah (not really) as the Uchiha Mansion came in sight. Sasuke, Neji, Naruto, and Shikamaru bounced onto a tree in front of the mansion gate and headed for the gate wall. _

"_Yes! Freedom! I'm gonna eat some ramen to celebrate!" Naruto cheered. _

'_Thus, my kitchen will be raided again and I will be the one scolded by the maids,' Sasuke sighed. _

"_YAHOOO!" Naruto took a giant leap from his branch on the tree, but his foot slipped. His eyes widened. "AHHH! ZOMG! Someone save me!"_

_Dark lines appeared under Sasuke's eyes as he felt a pair of hands grab at his ankles. _

"_You dumbass! Let go of me!"_

_Instinctively, Sasuke reached out for the branch above him, but grabbed flesh. The other prodigy was dragged into the chaos. Shikamaru looked up and groaned. _

'_Stupid Naruto!!' _

_Naruto, with the combine force of the other two teens on top of him, crashed into the lazy genius and they all fell to the ground. Well, they __**would**__ have, if it weren't for a few bad-timing girls walking under the same tree. _

**...**

**Lesson No. 2: INSTANT FAILURE**

**...**

"_Aow! Ow! Ow!" one of the girls cried, "I swear I didn't take the chicken!!"_

"_Gah! My dose! It's bleedin!" _

"_I know I'm small, but I don't need proof!!"_

"_Auu! S-something's up my p-panties!"_

'_I'm gonna kill Naruto!' Sasuke thought darkly as he pushed his face off of the unusually soft ground. His onyx eyes nearly popped out of its sockets. _

_A girl, a human no less, was the savior of his fall. A girl with pink hair at that. Sasuke clutched his nose, a liquid-like feeling was running toward the opening of his nasal. He stared horrified at where his face had been laying. Cleavage much? _

_Fortunately, the girl was too busy looking over at her friend who was crying rape to notice._

"_Hinata, are you alrigh — ZOMG! YOU HAVE A PERV GROPING YOUR BUTT!!" _

"_S-Sakura! You have a guy on your bewbies!" the blonde one cried. _

_--_

...

...

_Uh oh. _

_--_

_Sasuke lost track of what was going on as Sakura suddenly pounced on him and punched every part of his body she could reach. _

"_Ow!— What the?!— Get off, woman!— AOW!" Sasuke cried, shielding his face with his arms. _

"_You— PERV! How— __**dare**__— you!" Sakura punctuated each word with a blow. _

_Neji and Shikamaru watched in horror at their beat up friend. Naruto was beginning to wake with his hand still up Hinata's arse. The blonde girl was weeping over her spilled blood while cheering Sakura on._

"_Go Sakura! Show 'im what you're made of! Ew! Duh blood's stainin' my shurt!" _

"_Ohhh, my back," the brunette girl moaned. _

_Shikamaru and Neji had long gone got off of the female humans. They both walked over to Naruto and dragged him out of Hinata's panties. She had fainted. _

'_I'm gonna kill you, Naruto!' the other three vampires thought darkly. _

_Suddenly, a loud cry of pain was heard from the male specie of the two wrestling teens. _

"_HOLYMOTHERFUCKEROFDEATH__**!!**__" _

_--_

**(I seem to put a lot of dialogue instead of narrated paragraphs in my stories... I wonder if that's a good thing?)**

**...**

**...**

**--**

Thus..

Sasuke, Neji, Shikamaru, and Naruto weren't even bothering to listen as the girls continued their rampage.

"—And you even groped poor Hinata!" Sakura growled, "she could be traumatized for life!"

"Way to go **beast**," Sasuke muttered to Naruto who was rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

"I didn't mean to do it!" Naruto said defensively, "i-it was just an accident!" He took a step towards Hinata, but stopped when she flinched and scooted back in terror. Naruto looked down crestfallen.

'_Oh man. I totally scared the shit outta her.'_

"And what about Ino's nosebleed?!" Sakura pointed at her blonde friend pinching her nose to prevent any further loss of blood, "she could faint any second and we'd have to take her to the hospital! We already have to have Tenten's back looked at cuz of your heavy friend over there!"

Neji glared at her. He wasn't **that **heavy. Neji glanced over at the two bun brunette he had crushed. She still looked alive, so no complaints should be heard right?

Sasuke rolled his eyes as his poor ears had to endure the pointless accusations from the human girl.

'_God, this is stupid. The house is just right there!'_

**...**

**Lesson No. 3: Never try to sweet talk your way out of things. 50-50 chance it won't work.**

**...**

Still ignoring Sakura, Sasuke glanced around at his friends. Naruto was still trying to clean his slate with Hinata who ran to a tree for protection. **(Such irony)** Ino was bickering to Shikamaru about her nosebleed.

'_So troublesome..'_ Shikamaru thought.

Neji was having holes drilled into him by Tenten, which left Sasuke with the most demonic girl of the bunch. Great. Awesome. _Spectacular_. NOT.

'_I need to get this...girl, to __shut up__!'_

"Hey! Why're you just sitting there ignoring me! I'm trying to talk to you—"

Sakura's emerald eyes widened. Sasuke had her pinned to the wall of his mansion gate. A smirk plastered on his handsome face. The others quickly turned their attention to them. Naruto turned chibi with popcorn in his hand, still trying to befriend Hinata.

"What're you doing?!" Sakura stared at him incredulously.

Sasuke grinned showing his fangs. He placed his index finger under her chin.

"You know, we got off on the wrong start, so why don't we just start over?"

"When hell freezes over," Sakura glared.

"You're kinda cute, despite your...unusual hair color. We can put it to good use."

"Like kicking your ass again?" Sakura said sweetly.

A vein popped on Sasuke's forehead as Naruto and Neji sniggered in the background. He glared at them.

"Hn, you're a feisty one," Sasuke provoked, "that will come in handy in the future."

Sakura smirked.

"I'll only see you in the future on Konoha's Most Wanted."

Sasuke pretended to be stung. "That hurts me right here." He patted his heart. Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Pompous air head."

Sasuke inwardly scowled. _'Damnit, how stubborn can she get?'_

He took a step closer to Sakura, tilting her chin up.

"But you know, we are Konoha's Most Wanted. Although, not in the way that you think."

Sakura arched an eyebrow. "Really now? Prove me wrong."

The Prodigy smirked.

'_Gladly, and once I do, you shall call me KING!!' _**(Scary..)**

"Does the magazine name, **FAD**, ring a bell?" he purred into her ear.

"You mean that horribly designed cover that practically everyone drools over?" Sakura smirked, "really, I don't see a use for that piece of crap. Complete nonsense is what it is."

'_Yikes, she's terrifying,' _the guys thought.

"Do you know what's in that magazine and so many others?"

"Dickless losers!" Ino chirped.

"Ego-filled jerks," Tenten joined.

"P-panty pinchers," Hinata squeaked.

Naruto's jaws dislocated itself from his skull and crashed to the ground. _'W-what?! N-now wait just a minute!' _he sobbed.

"Tough luck, Naruto," Shikamaru sighed.

"Huh, I think I know what you're talking about there, smart ass," Sakura cocked her head to the side, "unfortunately."

"Really now?" Sasuke said.

"You guys are the reason why girls liquidize to a puddle of shame and why some guys turn gay." Sakura glared, "the unfortunate, _Konoha's Hottest Hotties _rated by desperate excuses for beings who have no dignity."

'_We're gonna have to wash that mouth out,' _Sasuke mused.

"Hey now, we can't help it if we're the hottest things on earth," Sasuke smirked, running one of his hand through his dark hair, and the other in his pocket.

The others followed suit. Naruto winked at Hinata who hid behind Ino.

'_**I'm such an idiot!!' **_**Kyuubi **(Inner Naruto) **cried. **

The girls blinked. Tenten stood up and painfully made her way toward Sakura.

"Let's go over to Sakura's apartment, now. I would like some Soba."

"Ooh, I want some Shougayaki," Ino grinned, putting her hands behind her head.

**(Soba - noodles)**

**(Shougayaki - grilled pork w/ ginger)**

Hinata meeped and quickly followed them. "I-I'll have Miso Soup!"

**...**

**Lesson No. 3: UTTER FAILURE!! :(**

**...**

A large vein exposed itself on Sasuke's forehead. His onyx eyes tracing Sakura as she walked passed.

"S-she just brushed me off!!" Sasuke scowled, "huh?"

The Uchiha prodigy blinked and went cross-eye. He glared at the finger poking his forehead. Sakura smirked.

"Put those fangs back in," she said, "don't pout just cuz you lost."

Naruto and Shikamaru howled with laughter while Neji merely turned away coughing. Sasuke exploded.

"I, am NOT, pouting!!" he growled.

The pink haired human tsk, and patted his nose with her finger.

"Keep that up, and you won't get any treats,...**Sa-su-chan**."

**--**

**-**

...Silence...

**-**

**--**

"_**SASU-CHAN?!"**_

Sasuke stares horrified at the abnormal female before him. Dark gloom lines cascaded from his eyes. Naruto's and Ino's spirit floated into the clouds. Neji even chuckled. Sakura grinned triumphantly.

Oh how she loved the feeling of victory!

Sakura pet-pet his head, then pranced off to her apartment with the other girls following her. Sasuke remained rooted to the sidewalk, completely horrified. Naruto dared to poke him with a stick as multiple veins reproduced on the Uchiha male's head.

"Yo, Sasuke!" Naruto said, "you okay?...Hey! Hellooo?"

"Leave him," Neji said, "he's lost his pride."

**GASP!**

"OMG!! S-sasuke's brain... is **exploding!!**" Naruto pointed to the smoke seeping from his ears.

**THWACK!!**

"Aow!! That hurts!"

**...**

**Lesson No. 4 (****the most ignored****): Never declare "sweet revenge" on the female kind of any race because it's ****SUICIDAL****!!**

**...**

* * *

**Auu...I REALLY want my net back! I miss talking too all my friends! And playing Fiesta with them.. **

**Sniff... ;;**

**Status: new mouse...broke my old one (don't ask me how..)**

— **Nadoka**

_6-26-08...10:24 p.m._


	2. Excuses, excuses

**Summary****:** _Never declare "sweet revenge" on the female kind of any race because it's SUICIDAL!! ... vampire fic..._

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

**--**

**How to cure a writer's block...such a mystery..**

**...**

**I am probably the most laziest author when it comes to writing the desc part before the story...I mean..it's soo short and boring... the most I can write on this part is about my boring self.. o.O**

**And I still don't have net right now..**

**--**

* * *

**...**

**...**

**A morning at the Uchiha estate after a forced sleep over:**

**...**

_Tip. Tip._

**Peek.**

_Tip. Tip..._

"Muahahaha..."

Fox-like ears perked up from under a mob of spiky blonde hair. A mischievous grin plastered on his whiskered face as a chuckle rumbled in his throat.

"Almost there..!"

Fingers just inches away from the goal, it glimmers right at the cerulean eyes lusting for it. Just a bit further...he could almost taste the luscious flavorful...!

"Naruto, what the hell are you doing making so much noise?!"

**Flinch. **

Mission failed.

"NARUTO GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!!" fumed an enraged Uchiha.

"Ah shyte!" Naruto hopped over a chair, just inches out of Sasuke's clutches and dashed into the main room. He skid onto the carpet and flung himself over the couch where Shikamaru lay snoring, oblivious to the ongoing event.

"Muahahahahaa!!" Naruto sneered, sliding down the banister, "Give it up old man! You can't fight evolution, I was built with speed!"

"I'm only a month older than you, you jackass!" Sasuke bellowed as he threw a vase at the blonde's head, "and you lack in grace and style unlike the one and only!"

"**AUGH!!"**

Crash.

Bump. Bump.

Screeeeeeech.

"Oh...SHYTE!!"

"**Naruto..."**

**Pop. Pop.**

"**JYUUKEN!!"**

"**CHIDORI!!"**

"AMAAAAAGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWD!!"

**--**

**--**

"Hello, officer? I'd like to make **another** complaint concerning the disturbance coming from the Uchiha estate."

"I'm sorry sir, but like we've told you before, there is nothing that we can do about that —"

"Those reckless peace-killers are being let loose to run amok unsupervised for months at a time, and I've had it up to **here** with those boys!! You people are suppose to be protectors of the law, and you can't even put down a few **TEENAGERS?!"**

"Teenagers whose parents sign our paycheck!!"

"Aren't you being paid by the city?!"

"We've been hired to **protect** the Uchiha estate and the residents living in it while their parents are out! You're calling the police box at the Uchiha estate!"

"What kind of sap-suckers are you?!"

"WHAT?!"

**--**

**...**

**--**

"Sakura! Sakura wake up, it's raining!"

"Ugh...that's life, Tennie," Sakura groaned as Tenten continued to whack her with a pillow, "the sky sucks up water then spits it back out at us as a punishment for polluting its world; that's why we have floods."

**(I'm just making this up of course...)**

"No! Sakura the water's nearly covering the sidewalk! School might be closed today!!"

Ino tackled the phone before Sakura could and punched in the numbers.

"Shiraikonon High? Ah! Iruka-sensei, is school closed today?...Whaddya mean NO?! **Meanie**!!"

"Meanie?!" Iruka shouted back into the phone.

"B-breakfast is ready!" Hinata cried, trying to pry the phone from Ino's clutches.

**...**

****

**(It's not Konoha High like most stories cuz I'm making Konoha a big-ish city so there are more schools...and I totally just made up that school name..)**

**...**

**...**

"So I was driving us to school when suddenly a lazer shot out of the sky and sucked up my car! We were teleported to another universe and we were forced to perform these weird dances! Then these little midget guys popped out of nowhere and tried to make us as sacrifices to their leaders!

"When we finally got back to earth, we were ambushed by the paparazzi! And when one shows up, more of them come, and I won't tell you what happens next!"

Iruka blinked, staring at the drenched girls in front of him. Sakura was smiling innocently while Tenten, Ino, and Hinata were staring incredulously at Sakura.

"Hmph. I see," he said through gritted teeth, "and that's why you girls are late?"

"Yes sir!" Sakura saluted him.

"Hmm..."

**THWACK!!**

"A two year old could've told me as much!" Iruka bellowed with a giant fan in his hands,"now tell me the REAL reason why you girls are late!"

"Aooow!" Sakura rubbed her head, "we had to take a detour because of the flood."

"Why didn't you just say that when I asked you the first time!" Iruka fumed as he rushed the girls inside the classroom, "now all of you stay put while I go have a word with the headmistress!"

"Damn! What was that for?!" Sakura muttered as she patted her head, "that stick was totally uncalled for!"

"He had it especially made for you, Sakura," Tenten said as she read the words, For Haruno, written on the fan.

"That excuse was the most farfetched one I've heard yet," Ino mumbled, dumping her belongings on her desk.

"Good morning, Temari-chan!" Hinata greeted a blonde girl with four ponytails.

"Hey!" Temari greeted back. "You guys sure pushed the buttons on Iruka-sensei today. You're a riot for the teachers, Sakura," Temari smirked, "they were talking about putting up a reform program, and you're first on their list."

Ino snickered. "I'll bet that'll be loads of fun."

"Gimme a break!" Sakura scowled, "the day I'll be zombified by those gaggle o' grinds, is the day I beg a guy to stay!"

"What you say is what you get," Tenten teased, "watch yourself, Sakura."

"Why're you so opposed to even the _thought_ of being with a guy?" Temari asked, glancing at Sakura, "I mean, it's not gonna say you're dependent."

"It's not that," Sakura sighed, scratching her head, "just take a look around at the kind of guys infiltrating this world. Trying to get a good guy is a reckless wish to start off with."

"Got a point there," Ino nodded, "but will it hurt to give it a shot?"

"Sakura-chan, are you scared of getting hurt?" Hinata said.

Sakura blinked at her question. She tilted her head in a thoughtful manner.

"Honestly...I don't know. I'm just not fond of the idea. Besides, I'm pretty happy without a guy in my life."

Ino glanced at her through the curtain of her bangs.

_..._

_A person who smiled sadly..._

_..._

"**Kyaaaah!!**"

The girls flinched as their attention shifted to the back of the room. A small crowd was shrouded around a desk. Magazines upon magazines piled the misfortunate carved wood.

"Oh my gawd! He's sooo gorgeous!"

"He's like a prince!" (Swoon)

"He's soo **hawt**!!"

Sakura inched closer to the commotion.

Emerald orbs widened to size of saucers as bright yellow letters flashed the words: FAD. Flipped to the middle of the flimsy stack of papers was an issue featuring a "Hottest Hotties" poll. And smack dab across two pages was the image of the number one rated Hottie. Sexy. Fit. An eligible bachelor.

In Sakura's book, he was the number one _jackass_. A pervert. **The **bastard.

**...**

Sasuke Uchiha.

**...**

**...**

**...**

"Uh oh."

Temari looked away while Tenten braced herself. Hinata hid behind Ino.

"Here it comes.."

**...**

**...**

_..._

_...someone who looked so lonely..._

_..._

**...**

**...**

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!"**

**Rip. Rip. **

**Stomp. Tear.**

**Riiiiip.**

"Eeeekk! Haruno-san, w-what're you doing?!"

"NOO! Haruno-san that's my only copy!!" (Sob, sob)

"**I'LL KILL THAT BASTARD!!**"

"K-kill who?!"

"Haruno-san, please stop!"

"Be sensible!"

"Not his face! Haruno-san!!"

"What's going on in here — WAAH!"

Iruka ducked as a mountain of wadded paper came flying his way.

"Haruno! Stop this right now! Calm down!"

_..._

_..who cried so much..._

_..._

**...**

"**ACHOO!**"

"Oi, Sasuke-teme, are you getting a cold?"Naruto said, his cerulean fox slit eyes glancing up at his best friend, "you've been sneezing a lot."

"No, I think someone's thinking of me in a harsh way," Sasuke said, blowing his nose, "but they'd better stop soon."

He did a basketball shoot and the wadded tissue landed on top of the others piled in the wastebasket.

"Sasuke, don't throw things in my class unless I say so," a silver haired man said lazily from behind an orange book, "even if you did make the shot."

"I'll stop when you stop coming to class late," the Uchiha smirked, "Kakashi-sensei."

Naruto snickered from behind Sasuke.

**Whoosh.**

"**DAH!** Hey! What was that for Kakashi-sensei?!" Naruto growled, rubbing the spot where the eraser hit his forehead.

"Dope," Sasuke muttered.

_..._

_..those tears never stopped._

_..._

"Kakashi-sensei, that wasn't fair!" Naruto hissed, "I wasn't the one who said it!"

"It's not nice to laugh, Naruto," Kakashi retorted.

"Grrr!"

**...**

* * *

**Uwah! I finally finished chapter two x.x; I didn't really add in much comments in this one...was so focused on the story x.x Ah well... I got it done.**

**My net is still being mean to me Q.Q**

— **Nadoka**

_7-9-08...11:49 p.m._


End file.
